I just don't want tolive like this anymore. It hurts too much..." and she started cryingagain.I started to bawl too. "Lisa, I'm scared...." Of what?" Of everything. Like I don't know anything anymore. Before all ofthis, I had a life. It may not have been a great one, but it was whatit was. I made a good living, I had a best friend, once in a rarewhile, I had a boyfriend. I had a nice existence. Now, I feellost..." and I bawled again.She came over and held me. "Let it out. What's lost?" Me. Brian. What the hell am I? I flounce around in heels andskirts. Kenny was right..." No, he was not right," she snapped. "He was wrong. And I'm sorryabout that too. I shouldn't have done it, but I didn't know better.But, once he showed his true colors, I should've put my foot downthen and there. I should never have let you two go out..."I smiled weakly. "Let us? Thanks, mom." Shut up! Yes, let you. You were so hard up, you let that assholecrap all over you. So, if being your mom would've stopped it,. Myold dad threatened me with a lawsuit if I didn't stop telling theseoutlandish lies. I was given a restraining order not to come within onehundred feet of Dean. Someone thought I might cause him bodily harm.So I just gave up trying to explain what had happened, but I startedplanning my revenge that day.Since I was considered crazy and unstable, I wasn't able to get a job withany responsibility. I ended up as a janitor at my old high school. I had atotal of fifty dollars in my saving account. My paycheck gave me justbarely enough to make ends meet. I didn't even own a car, because Icouldn't afford one.The one and only thing that I spent my hard earned money on was mybody. Unless you knew my age I could still pass for a twenty year-old. Ican still walk down the school hall in my skintight overalls and causeevery teenage boy with an ounce of sense to have a hard-on. By the littlenotes slipped to me by the students I know 95% of them would love totake me to bed with them. I also knew.
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